“Anxiety’s like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you very far.”

Jodi Picoult

Understanding the Nature of Anxiety

We all experience anxiety. It keeps us alert to the potential dangers in life. For some, the background level of anxiety is low, as in a lion at rest. But others feel more like a deer, easily startled. When fearful thoughts generate overwhelming or persistent discomfort, anxiety can become a real problem. Therapy can help us lower our background level of anxiety, calm ourselves when anxiety spikes, and help us embrace the wisdom underlying our fears.

How Anxiety Becomes Overwhelming

We have a natural process for calming ourselves, so that that when we are truly safe, we can fully relax. As children we develop this capability through our bonds with caregivers who provide attention, empathy, and reassurance. When we experience long periods of unsafety, however, or when our caregivers cannot provide comfort, our anxiety levels can become persistent and overwhelming.

The Different Manifestations of Unmanaged Anxiety

 There are many ways that high anxiety can show itself and interrupt our lives. We may have phobias of certain things or conditions. We may have panic attacks in certain situations. We may develop obsessive thinking or compulsive behaviors to manage our anxiety. And despite our efforts, our fears may limit us in our goals and in our relationships.

Emotional Regulation

 Therapy can help you explore different methods of “emotional regulation”, the capacity to calm yourself. Some practical techniques, including DBT skills, can be learned and practiced by yourself. Addressing deeper levels of anxiety, however, may involve exploring your fears with a therapist who can provide “co-regulation”, the calming experience of being with someone who understands you, and believes in you.

Rediscovering A Sense of Peace

 In therapy, you can internalize the capacity to calm yourself. It may be through re-evaluating the beliefs and fears that haunt you. It may be by gaining acceptance of the experience of anxiety, so that it does not spiral out of control as soon as it starts. It may be by building confidence in your strengths, and believing in yourself in ways no one helped you to before. These are some of the paths to finding peace within yourself.