Approaches to Couples Therapy
This table lists the couples therapy orientations we use at Shine a Light. Below is brief descriptions of how each approach can help deal with specific issues. Accessible resources about some of these approaches is also included.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy
Gottman Couples Therapy
Communications Approaches to Couples Therapy
Ester Perel Couples Therapy
Imago Couples Therapy
Sex and Intimacy Coaching
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy
EFT is a couples therapy developed by Sue Johnson. It helps couples see how essential to human happiness our primary bonds of connection are. By understanding “Attachment Theory” people can begin to better navigate the strong emotions that relationships can evoke. EFT helps couples identify relationship patterns that repeatedly trigger our unmet needs for secure connection to others.
Then, these patterns are replaced with communication skills that help couples feel both safer and more free to be themselves in relationship. EFT views the strong emotions present in relationships as a natural part of our social-emotional make-up as human beings. Instead of judging these feelings, EFT helps couples skillfully use these feelings to deepen their bonds with one another. More on EFT.
Gottman Couples Therapy
John Gottman developed an approach to couples therapy based on his research into how and why couples either stay together or separate. He has identified many principles and practices that help couples avoid the patterns that damage relationships and foster the behaviors to support them.
Gottman’s approach shares many of the techniques used in Communication Approaches to couples counseling, but his research in directly observing many couples over time provides additional insight into why certain patterns lead to long lasting relationships, while others do not. More on Gottman.
Socio-Cultural Approaches
Ester Perel has emerged as a thought leader in couples therapy due to her brilliant understanding of larger socio-cultural influences on relationships. The socio-cultural lens helps couples see how their difficulties in relationship may spring from unrealistic models of marriage. Instead of helping couples conform to rigid conceptions of how to be in relationship, couples therapy can help people define their relationships on their own terms. When couples are really honest with each other about their true feelings, they can begin to negotiate a relationship that works better for both people.
Socio-cultural approaches ask people to reflect on the assumptions and expectations they bring to a relationship. These “shoulds” are re-evaluated in light of what each person in the partnership actually experiences. The results caan be quite liberating. More on Ester Perel.
Communications Approaches
Couples therapy always facilitates communication. But some approaches spend more time actually teaching people communication skills and coaching them in how to use them effectively. Being able to responsibly articulate your feelings and needs, and being able to communicate your understanding of your partner are essential skills in a healthy relationship. Couples therapists can’t necessarily resolve all differences of opinion or style that a couple may have. But they can help a couple talk about their differences and similarities in a way that builds intimacy and avoids unecessary conflict.
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a particularly valuable approach to improving relationships. NVC helps people negotiate how they can work together so that both parties in a relationship can get their needs well met. NVC principles and practices break down the confusing messages that lead people into conflict, and replace them with clear messages that foster compassion and cooperation. More on NVC.
Imago Couple Therapy
Harville Hendrix developed Imago Couples Therapy by applying some of the fundamental wisdom of individual psychotherapy to better understand how to improve relationships. Specifically, Imago therapy asks people to take a close look at the relationship dynamics they experienced in childhood. Insight can be gained in reflecting on those early relationships and how they may be affecting both who you choose and what you recreate in your adult relationships.
Couples therapy can help people untangle the unconscious patterns they are playing out in their marriage. Instead of responding to each other with the baggage of unresolved relationships with one’s parents, people can learn to create more healthy relaionships. Awareness of the old patterns, however, is an essential part of choosing new ones. More on Imago Couples Therapy.
Sex and Intimacy Coaching
Sometimes the most pressing issue for couples involves sex. Maybe there is a problem. Maybe you just want to reach together for more satisfaction. Couples therapy with someone who is comfortable talking about sex can open new doorways. There is no need to let shame or conflict lay unresolved. Sex is natural and good. But unless we can talk about it, it is hard to get free of stuck or unhealthy patterns. More on sex therapy.
To Request an Appointment at Shine a Light or NPCC, please fill out this form. Please note *We respond to inquiries Monday through Friday 8AM to 8PM. All inquiries we receive on the weekends or holidays will be processed the next business day. Thank you for your patience.
New Office in San Francisco!
Shine a Light Counseling Center is please to merge with New Perspectives Center for Counseling. NPCC has been serving the San Francisco community for thirty years. Now NPCC is transitioning to become the San Francisco site for Shine a Light. NPCC will retain its name, character and history. For information about NPCC or counseling in San Francisco:
New Perspectives Center for Counseling
Emergency Contact
Shine a Light does not provide crisis services. If you have a mental health emergency, call 988 or 911. Or click here for more Crisis Resources
Telephone Contact
You can call Shine a Light at 831-996-1222, but we encourage you to use the email forms to the left. If you call, please leave the following:
- Phone number
- Preferred location
- Best times to meet
- Issue you want help with
- What insurance you have (if any)
FAX us at: 831-417-0443
Good Faith Estimate
You have the right to receive a “Good Faith Estimate” explaining how much your medical care will cost. Your fee will be set according to a sliding scale, in collaboration with your therapist, prior to your first counseling session. Total costs depend upon the number of sessions you choose to utilize.
If you have private health insurance, please be aware that your costs for therapy may be less by using an in-network provider for your insurance company. This will depend upon your plan's deductible amounts and co-payments. In some cases, counseling at Shine a Light is less costly than using private insurance.
If you hope to use "out of network" benefits through your private insurance, please be aware that many plans will not reimburse for services provided by pre-licensed therapists (most of our staff).
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